When I let my mind wander, sometimes it goes too far and I don’t remember to call it back. I think of all the forbidden things that we leave to the ‘what ifs.’ I think about us and what we were. I wonder if we were still together, would I be here in this bed or out in the city under the stars, staring at you and telling the gods that they messed up because they left the brightest light on earth. I wonder if you still called me, would I be as reluctant to pay the phone bill or would I do anything to keep your voice on the line. I wonder if we still ate dinner, would I be accompanying my meals with too much wine instead of milk. I wonder if we could have lasted. If I could have put up with the way you ripped my heart in two, and like velcro, just as easily put it back together. My mind takes me back down memory lane but some things are just too hard to recall. I wonder whether it hurts more to remember or to admit that I let you do all those things to me when I knew I deserved better. It sucks when you used to be in love with a bad person. Because even after all you did to me, I still wonder.